I am NOT a Humbug This Year!

I must confess that I used to be kind of a Humbug with Christmas (Hate the snow, the decorations, most of the music) though I've always LOVED giving gifts to my friends and family.

From 2009, back when my mom died, on, the holidays were even harder for me. My mom LOVED Christmas. She'd decorate the whole house, sing the songs, make the cookies, and believed in Santa Clause until her last breath.

The first Christmas without her, I was such a wreck I don't even remember it. The year after that, I was determined to be strong for my family's sake and at least pretend to like Christmas and celebrate it in her honor. Still it took several years before I could listen to a Christmas song without bursting into tears.

I've managed to fend off the holiday depression by staying busy and with two big families, that's actually pretty easy.

But something changed this year. Well, several somethings, but what's most astounding is this:

I'm totally in the Christmas spirit this year! I'm seriously not faking it, you guys!

I think part of it is because I got my Christmas shopping done early and in an efficient manner. Also I made some epic awesome gifts for a few special people in my life. I will be blogging about these after Christmas. :D

Also, it hasn't been snowing much here. (Which is really bad for my area environmentally, but face it, I HATE snow.)

Or maybe it's because I got to spend more time with my Grandma... who's almost as giddy about the holiday as my mom was.

And maybe it's because I've received so much joy from my friends and family this year.

Either way, it feels good. I was even at a store and smiling when the song "Mr. Ginch" was playing.

Holy wow, I actually LIKE that song.

But don't worry you guys, I will still ALWAYS be #TeamHalloween first and foremost.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this fascinating epiphany and I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas/ Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza/ Merry Yule, etc.

A Rant on Today's Prom Dress Drama

So scrolling through my facebook feed, I saw a few stories about girls getting hell from their schools about their prom dresses. One had to cover up, the other had to leave. None of these dresses made me bat an eye.

This one is classy and almost too modest aside from a bared back and sides

This one reminds me of "Cha-Cha from GREASE.

This one looks like something my conservative grandparents would have loved me to wear to Sunday school... at age 13.

Seeing all this insanity inspired me to dig out my senior prom picture and post in on Facebook with a rant. It seems my dress would have violated all of these.

Prom for most girls is the first time they get to dress in grown-up formal wear. Seriously, that was the freakin' point of prom. It was a rite of passage and acknowledgement that teenagers are becoming adults and thus ready to dress as adults and engage in courtship.  

For me it was that AND the first time I got to dress up in front of my classmates, many of whom called me a "dog" and barked at me when I walked through the halls. It was a chance to try to be pretty and to show them that a guy was willing to be my date. Sadly, my date had dumped me the week before as had the one who was supposed to go with me to Junior Prom, which I skipped, heartbroken. This guy at least was a gentleman enough to still go with me and pretend for a night.

And my dress was VERY special. I was dirt poor but still had some money saved up for a dress, but as you can see, I was very small. All of the stores renting and selling dresses sneered at me and told me to try the CHILDREN'S section.

Yeah, like I wanted to look like a little kid for my first chance to dress like a woman.

After raging at my experience at the formal stores, my goddess of a mom took me to the fabric store and we designed a dress and she MADE it for me. I still have it, though it will never fit again. ((I MISS YOU, MOM!!))

And despite being dumped by my boyfriend and just pretending to everyone that I had a smitten date... and the crappy food at the big event, I had a wonderful time. It really was magical. Girls who had been mean to me complimented my dress with sincerity. Boys who had mocked me actually apologized and said I looked beautiful. Hell, some of them even danced with me.

NOT A SINGLE ONE LOST THEIR MINDS OVER MY BARE BACK AND SHOULDERS.

Seriously, this school dress code thing is insane and demeaning to girls... and boys who now seem to be thought of as mindless animals who will go crazy over an exposed shoulder. These schools are DESTROYING what they themselves have established as a night every student should remember fondly.

I wonder what they'd have to say about Carrie White's dress.

 Oh, wait, I know!

I CAN SEE YOUR DIRTY PILLOWS!

::Mic Drop::

TNEE Recap Part 3: Stranded in La Grande

After four nights in Vegas, I was more than ready to get back to Reno and have a good rest before picking up the car and heading home.

On the seven hour drive, I got some pictures of some scenery I missed.

Back in Reno, my sweetie's dad was away on business but we had fun hanging out with his step-mom, who convinced his dad to give him his grandma's banjo. Apparently she was like a rock star in the 20's. It was awesome!

Of course the car was late getting finished the next morning, but we still were on track to get home by 2am Tuesday... until the car broke down in La Grande, Oregon, 5 hours from home.

...And I had a virtual release party planned for BITE AT FIRST SIGHT the next afternoon.


It was irony at its best. Right after getting front end work done on the car, the rear blew up. Thankfully we broke down right by a hotel... with an internet connection.

Too exhausted to do anything, we checked into the hotel and called all the nearby parts stores first thing in the morning. The La Grande Inn is amazing. They were kind enough to let Kent work on the Falcon in their parking lot and were super nice about everything. They were the antithesis of the evil Planet Hollywood.

The thing about having an old car and trying to get parts is that it can take awhile. We were told by all that it would take until the next day. It was a good thing my sweetie had just gotten paid from one of his jobs and was able to get the room for another night because, thanks to the Planet Hollywood overcharging my account by $465, I only had 45 bucks to my name.

But there was nothing to be done about it. We went and picked up some lunch at a wonderful cafe, picked up some hard cider and my sweetie dealt with the car while I first fought with the hotel. (The Planet Hollywood, NOT The La Grande Inn.) I had to bring my bank in on a three-way conversation before I got anywhere. I got a little over half of my money back. 

Then I celebrated my book release. 

                                     

Despite being stranded, I actually had a nice time. The party was fun, I got to interact with a ton of readers and authors I adore, AND reviews for BITE AT FIRST SIGHT were popping up everywhere, casting a cheerful glow on my troubles.

Another cool thing about La Grande was that it had a Trolley! I forgot to get a picture, but here's one from google images.

The next day as we got the parts, we discovered that we needed tools we didn't have to do the repair (But at least we HAD tools. Always have tools when you have an old car). So we had to take it to the shop... as we're both mechanics, this was a blow to our pride.
The shop then discovered that we were given the WRONG parts. That meant another day of waiting... and fighting with the Planet Hollywood to get the rest of my money back. But at least I had some of it and was able to reserve the room for another night.

We had dinner at this fantastic barbecue restaurant. 17 bucks got us brisket, tri-tip, ribs, mashed red potatoes, cheesy cauliflower-broccoli bake, and cornbread. And it was delicious. 
We walked back to the hotel and got a friendly wave and smile from the local sheriff (With constant sights of my boyfriend walking to the parts store and auto repair shop and the jacked up car in the hotel parking lot, I figure he knew our situation). Really, everyone in that town was super-nice. If you end up stranded, let it be somewhere like La Grande.

We cuddled and watched Con-Air before going to bed.

The car was ready the next morning right at check-out time and we were finally on the road home. My boyfriend even got to pump his own gas in Oregon, because with his car's antique filler hose, the attendant decided it "would be best that way."

There aren't many interesting sights on the drive from there to Coeur d'Alene, but we did see these nifty rock formations.

Then a whole lotta nothing.

By the time we reached Spokane, we joked about how we never imagined we'd be so happy to see it. (It's a rival town thing).

Another bit of local humor are two signs you pass on the way home. First is "Now Leaving Apple Maggot Quarantine Zone" followed by the beloved, "Welcome to Idaho!"

After this crazy trip, I am eternally grateful to all of my friends and family, in person as well as online. Your supportive comments and words of encouragement lightened my stress.

And I cannot thank my boyfriend enough. Yet again, if he hadn't been with me, I would have been royally screwed. And his attitude about the whole thing was calm and optimistic. He didn't yell or freak out, which in turn made me not freak out. He helped turn a series of calamities into a romantic vacation. And THAT is why BITE AT FIRST SIGHT is dedicated to him.

One reader is completely right. I need to get him a good present. I'm going to start with a new blower motor for his car so the heater will work... and then I have some other, more fun ideas.

So, that was how I spent the week of my third book release. I don't think I want to travel again for awhile.

Check out  PART ONE and PART TWO

CONTEST: Weird Sh*T Found in a Writer's Desk Drawer.

Okay, I've cleaned my desk out approximately 5 times in the 10 years I've had it. Today I opened a drawer for my cat to step on instead of my laptop (I'm training him) and I noticed more than a few oddities languishing inside.

Here's my at-a-glance inventory:

A Rose Rock from Oklahoma that my Aunt and Uncle gave me when I was 10.

2 industrial files (for metal, not fingernails)

The "N" portion of a 75 Chevy Nova logo

A Pen that resembles a bone.

A multitude of business cards

Miscellaneous nuts, screws, and bolts.

Feeler gauges

Tacky glue

Sega Genesis Booklets for Sonic The Hedgehog and Mortal Kombat II

A Maneke Neko (Japanese Lucky Cat) Chopstick Rest

CD Scratch Remover

A Wrench painted like a Christmas Ornament.

Sewing needles (I can't sew)

Scissors

Flashlight

A cigarette case

A bag clip

A steel... marble?

A knife

Misc office supplies and business cards.

This makes me curious about what other writers have in their desk drawers.

And now I want to run a contest.

For the chance to win a $35 Barnes & Noble gift card, open a random desk drawer and tell me what's inside. I'll assign some judges and announce a winner on Monday.   

"Sisterhood of the Travelling Uterus": a viewpoint on gender misunderstandings.

For my last semester in college I am taking Literary Analysis and Survey of American Literature. I'm also taking zoology and humanities, but we can talk about those later.

Anyway, both of my English professors are best friends and totally in cahoots with each other. This was once more proven last week when first, in American Lit, we read "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. It's a short story about a Victorian woman who believed she was sick, (she'd just had a baby) but her husband, who was a doctor and a man, thus right about everything, told her she was fine.

However, he decided to rent an old country house and kept her locked up in isolation in a dilapidated nursery with bars on the windows and chains on the walls and really messed up wallpaper. Naturally, this did not end well. I highly recommend reading it.

An illustration for the tale. Her hair is down. Clearly she has been overtaken by madness.

The story was inspired by the author's experience with a doctor who had prescribed what was called "the rest cure" for her "hysteria." She was to limit any intellectual stimulation, have few conversations with others and under no circumstances, pick up a book or a pen for the rest of her life. I almost cried when I read that.

Anyway, "hysteria" was believed to be a woman's malady. The term was first coined by Plato who believed the condition was caused by a woman's uterus wandering through her body. The cure was for her to have a man to put it back in place either physically (sex) or simply by controlling her. The ancient Greeks were freakin' terrified of women. I learned this in my last literature class.

Anyway, so next I went to my Literary Analysis class and the instructor had written "Sisterhood of the Travelling Uterus" on the discussion part of the board. So credit for the blog title is given to the lovely professor Michaud. ::waves::

Our current topic was psychoanalysis and we discussed Freudian psychology concerning hysteria, which turned out not to be any different from either Plato's or Victorian theories. We also discussed absentee mother issues in "King Lear" and other depressing things that happen from obsessions with erroneous concepts of gender roles.

Anyway, it occurred to me that the crazy beliefs regarding "hysteria" and other aspects of a woman's psyche were definitely still in place during the regency era, which is when my upcoming paranormal romance series takes place.

Seriously, think about this. From appx. 300 B.C.E. to the twentieth century, people believed that a woman's uterus wandered through her body and a man needed to control her to keep it in check. No wonder HEAs are rare in real life.

How will crazysauce concepts like this affect historical romance characters?       

Friday Updates and Rambles

For being on vacation, I've been hella busy. In fact, I'm actually on my way to help out at the bookstore and I just woke up, so this post will be a mish-mash of rambling thoughts and news.

1.) Huckleberries are awesome. I've been up in the mountains with my man and friends picking them by the gallon. Sold a few, made some money, and made milkshakes.

2.) People in Hollywood do not understand how lady parts work. This randomly popped in my head when I was trying to sleep. I'll give 2 movies as an example.


WAITING:  The movie was hilarious, but near the end one of the female characters drops her pants to reveal what looked like a toupee glued to her crotch and really fake squares of toilet paper stuck to the top... nowhere near where toilet paper would be used.

LOST HIGHWAY: Some cop says: "That guy gets more p*ssy than a toilet seat." Um... maybe a toilet seat for really drunk, clumsy women.

3.) Why can't the world just f*ck off when I'm trying to write. Seriously, I just started book 3 in my historical paranormal romance series and I keep getting interrupted. People are lucky I'm not violent.

4.) Gardening seems to be more of a man thing these days. Seriously, we rent out gardens every season and all the renters are men. They do a damn good job, too. My husband does all the gardening for us because I have a brown thumb.

5.) Holy Crap, I'm turning 30 in a few days.

6.) Double Crap, I'm quitting smoking when I turn 30

7.) OMG, I'm going back to college in a few weeks!

REAL Character Mashups: Do any other writers do this?

I have two friends who are both computer guys as well as musicians. Both are also excellent with intellectual debates. Other than that, they're complete opposites. One's country, one's rock and roll. Needless to say, I'd been dying to watch them have a conversation/ debate.

The opportunity arrived on our annual 4th of July barbecue. As there were many fun guests, great food and festivities going on, it took awhile for me to get them together and talking. Maybe they waited until I was done with my hostess duties to indulge me, or maybe they just decided to placate me since I wasn't exactly subtle as to my intentions. Either way it was well worth the wait and I got a front row seat.

As I'd suspected, they got into an epic debate about computer stuff. 90% of it was gibberish to me, so I had to observe their tones, facial expressions and body language to figure out who scored a hit. It was as fascinating as I'd hoped.

Which brings me to my question: Do other writers do this? I know we all create interesting fictional characters and thrive on watching how they react, but does anyone else do this with real "characters?" Does anyone else think, "I want to see how this guy reacts to that guy?"

If so, how does it inspire your writing?

4th of July, Redneck Style

Okay, I've never seen any rednecks go this far, but it's still funny. Happy 4th of July, everyone! 

Why I don't follow you on Twitter

Dave Mustaine is my all time favorite guitarist, but I don't follow him 'cuz he's doing it wrong.

1.) Spammers: If you do nothing but tout some product you're obviously being paid to advertise...this includes some self published authors, you're nothing but obnoxious noise to me.

2.) Trolls: No one wants to follow someone who picks asinine arguments just for the hell of it.

3.) Nothing but links: A.) I despise redundancy. B.) It makes me think you have no personality.


4.) Never replies:  This is usually an issue with higher profile people, celebrities, authors, etc. But many high profile people still are willing to converse with the lesser folk, so why bother following those who don't? Then there's those people who seem to think they're all that and only converse with their cliques. Either way, not worth clogging my feed.


5.) Nothing but retweets: As with #3, these are people who have no personality of their own. Worse, they seem to be attempting to make themselves look cool by piggy-backing off of the charm (or lack thereof) of others. I have no problem with retweeting something funny, useful, or interesting, but I do have issues with people who mindlessly RT people like an insidious echo.


6.) Talks only about self...especially if it's boring: I don't care about your latest bowel movement or where you're shopping. But...though some people bitch about tweets on who's eating what for dinner, I like those...if you share the recipe. I know I do! Food is good in reasonable increments. But I'm on twitter for conversations, not to read personal to-do lists.


7.) Combinations of any of the above: And here's where Mega-Dave Mustaine comes in. He may be one of the greatest guitar players to ever walk the earth. He may be hella cute. But Dave Mustaine does not know how to use twitter. He updates where he is and what he's doing and posts links and RTs...but only when they have to do with his band. I tried following him for awhile and he NEVER conversed with anyone. So, as much as I adore him and his music, I don't follow him on twitter.

10 "OMG You haven't Seen it?" Movies (Part 1)

Happy Weekend everyone! I figure I'm long overdue for another movie post. Movies are a big thing in my family and I have quite a collection. And whenever I talk movies with a friend, it never fails that I'll gasp, "OMG, you haven't seen ______?" 

So this will be the first of many lists. None are obscure (I'll do an obscure list sometime) and many will elicit nods of agreement from a lot of you. But I know there's plenty of you out there who haven't seen.... 

RUNNING MAN

Veeeeery loosely based on a novella by Stephen King (Richard Bachman in the opening credits) This film is the epitome of an 80's dystopyian. Full of cheese and fun action. Also, Richard Dawson plays an awesome villain.

GOTHIKA

Despite starring Halley Berry, for some reason Gothika never got the attention it deserved. Part psychological thriller with supernatural elements, this movie has you jumping and guessing every second.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS

Tim Curry's in it! Need I say more? Okay, the rest of the cast was awesome too, even Charlie Sheen. And there was definitely enough drama and comedy in it to keep me watching.




TOTAL RECALL

I usually hate sci-fi movies, but there is just something compellingly awesome about this one. The premise is a freakin' trip and a half and the heroine is a total bad-ass. And Ah-nold is well, classic Ah-nold. Special effects are done amazingly well for 1990, including an alien with 3 boobs. (Now all the men reading this will rent the movie just for that.)

Apparently a remake will be released this year. I'm intrigued and scared.

COOL RUNNINGS

This one's actually based on a true story of Jamaica's first bobsled team. Inspiring AND funny! Also, the theme song just makes ya want to dance!

A.I.

The first time I saw this movie, I was eight months pregnant and made a total ass of myself bawling in the theater. Written by Stanley Kubric and directed by Stephen Spielberg, A.I. manages to be dark and twisted, yet pull your heartstrings at the same time. It's pretty much Pinocchio with an unhappy ending. But it's done with such haunting beauty, all must see it.

REVENGE OF THE NERDS

Long before there was THE BIG BANG THEORY, there was Revenge of the Nerds... though the sequels aren't that great. The characters are excellent. I guarantee everyone will find a nerd they can relate to. :)


The Color Purple

Based on Alice Walker's amazing novel, this film is definitely on my list of "Greatest of all Time." Whoopi Goldberg stars as Celie, a woman who is oppressed by family, husband, and society yet slowly finds her strength. Have a box of tissues at hand. This one's a bigger tear-jerker than Forest Gump.

Cube

I love movies that make you go WTF? Even more, I love movies that make you think. CUBE does both. It's an ultimate mind trip. Despite major questions remaining unanswered, this one has you staring at the screen, scratching your head and thinking, "I gotta watch this with so-and-so."


Harold and Maude

This one's probably the quirkiest love story of all time. Maude should be everyone's hero. HAROLD and MAUDE will make you laugh, cry, and have a whole new outlook on life and love. I don't want to say too much about the actual story because every second is a treat. 

An Author's Ka-Tet.

I'm rereading Stephen King's DARK TOWER series again. (Hence my slacking on the blog) and I've been thinking a lot about the concept of a "Ka-tet." "Ka" is the word for "fate" so, (Quoted from Wikipedia):   "A ka-tet is a group of beings brought together by ka. "We are ka-tet. We are one from many," says Roland Deschain on the day before the Battle of Algul Siento.^[1] Ka-tet is the belief that a group of people can be tied together by fate, or ka. It is said that a group has shared "khef" or the water of life. Sometimes the symbol of water is used literally, as in a ritual Roland and his ka-tet performs the night before the battle of Algul Siento. In the seventh novel, Susannah Dean, who ends up understanding ka maybe more than Roland himself, comes to the understanding that in simple terms, "ka-tet" means family."

I'm all down with this. I firmly believe that some people are meant to become part of each other's lives. And when my crit group formed, our skills and accomplishments sky-rocketed. We are definitely a ka-tet. :)

Who's your ka-tet? Or have you found them yet? 

When did I become a workaholic?

Yesterday I finished revising the first in my Urban Fantasy series and prepared the query. Before that I finished the rough draft of my 2nd Regency Paranormal. Before that I finished revising BITE ME, YOUR GRACE (well, until my editor gets through with it, lol.)

I figured I'd take a few days off. Last night went okay thanks to a mini Big Bang Theory Marathon, but today I'm all anxious to be working on something. My fingers are literally itching to be writing again. I have two projects that I want to tackle, there's my long-neglected roadie story I want to enter in the IWL contest, and of course, there's book 3 in my regency paranormal series.

So, though I'm going to try to take it easy this weekend, I might just tinker a little bit on the keyboard. :)

Telling vs. Showing...or my new catchphrase!

Sorry about the lack of posts, I've been crazy busy finishing up my 2nd Regency Paranormal and working on edits in other projects. And speaking of edits, I'm running across a lot of telling instead of showing, which brings this video to mind. Here's the Hercules actor saying his lines and he accidentally yells the word "Disappointed" which was in parentheses in the script. He was supposed to sound disappointed, not yell it. 

That said, I think when something unpleasant occurs, I'm going to yell "Disappointed!" at the top of my lungs from now on. :)

Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

When Fiction Inspires Reality.

In my post, "Best Books I read in 2011," I raved about this book. Well I decided to reread it and once more came across something that drove me crazy. During the hero's time traveling adventures, he went to a restaurant in the fictional town of DERRY, Maine in 1958. Every time he ate there he ordered something called "Fried Lobster Pickin's." Not much description was offered except the following: "The heap on the platter looked like roadkill, but it smelled terrific and tasted better. Probably a billion grams of cholesterol in every bite, but in 1958, nobody worried about that, which is restful." 


Anyway, I really wanted to try these things and by my 2nd read, I tried to find out if they were real. As far as I could discover, they weren't.

So I decided to invent them. I pictured "Fried Lobster Pickin's" to be chunks of lobster meat that were beer-battered and deep fried. And that is what I made.

Okay, they didn't really look like roadkill, but I think I nailed the part about high cholesterol. :) 

OMG, they were freakin' EPIC!!!! My taste buds were most pleased.

I used Western Pride batter mix and Alaskan Amber Ale.

And thus, another miracle has been inspired by fiction.

Lucky 7 book tag.

...until they hear the can opener. 

Bonnie R. Paulson tagged me in the "Lucky 7" blog game-thingie that's been going around. I'm supposed to go to page 77 of one of my novels, go down 7 lines and post the following 7 lines. Then I get to tag some friends.

So here's my snippet from page 77 of BITE ME, YOUR GRACE:

            Ian was torn between amusement at her daring and anger because she was forcing him to muddle through this awkward explanation. Angelica should be even more grateful than her mother had been for his saving her and her family from social death. Leaning down as if to smell her perfume, he lowered his voice. 

        “Spare me from your wrath, Angel. Since you insist upon knowing, I will tell you that your reputation was not the only one in danger. Thanks to that upstart, John Polidori, and his story taking the Continent by storm, people have become suspicious of me.”

Ahh, that book was such a blast to write. 

And now I shall select my victims...mwah hah hah hah: Shana Galen, Tracey Devlyn, Sean T. Poindexter, Jamie DeBree, Jonathan Weyer, Terri Garey, and Tiffany White! 

My thoughts on bad erotica.

A lot of romance authors, including myself are annoyed when people refer to romance novels as porn for women. But, surprisingly I've discovered that many erotica authors feel the same way about their work. Well, I kinda think erotica is porn. Porn is made for the purpose of inciting sexual arousal in its audience and I always felt that erotica served the same use. I mean, it's not like I read it for a compelling story or a deep emotional connection. (Disclaimer, I'm referring to short erotica stories, not erotic romance, which does involve those aspects.)

That said, I should clarify my statement: Well-written erotica is like good porn with good acting.

Admit it, most of us have seen at least one adult film...and chances are, we've seen an awful one...or ten. The bad acting goes far beyond robotic lines.

The worst aspect is the woman who is obviously faking enjoyment. Watching her painful efforts to mask the agony in her eyes and moan in false pleasure always makes me think the director shouted, "Now you better pretend to like it, or this rape film will turn into a snuff film real quick!"

...and sometimes it's the guy who seems to be losing his...um...enthusiasm despite his costar's desperate attempts to moan encouragement. It's like they're being held at gunpoint or something.

Get in the mood, or else!

Badly written erotica is the same way. It doesn't matter how many "dirty" words and exclamation points the author throws in. It's not going to turn me on. I'm going to give an example, but to keep it PG-13, I'm going to replace all the dirty words with "smurf."

"My smurf was so wet. At last my fantasy of being filled with two smurfs was about to come true! Lester's tongue flicked across my throbbing smurf as Wilbur unfastened his pants releasing his giant smurf. 


"I took it all into my mouth and fondled his smurfs. His hand reached forward to stroke and pinch my smurfs! 


"Then Lester's smurf plunged inside of me, filling my smurf until I couldn't take another inch! 
'Smurf me, Lester!' I cried as Wilbur's smurf dripped down my chin."

And then Gargamel showed up, turning this nightmare into a full-fledged clustersmurf.

Anyway, you get my point.

Now good, smurf-free erotica is, well, it's hot, and definitely does incite arousal in its audience. So if someone calls it porn, I shrug and say, "So?"

However, finding quality erotica can be difficult, so I always recommend downloading the free sample first....and if it ends up being bad, I turn on the text-to speech feature and enjoy a good sophomoric laugh. 

3 reasons why I don't get too political in public.

BEST ALBUM COVER EVER!!!  As you can see,Vic Rattlehead is non-partisan. :)

As it is an election year in the United States, political issues/ topics/ jokes/ slandering/ scandals/etc are growing more heated than ever. Many people I know, including other authors, are making heated statements and sharing links relating to their stances. Many times I've been tempted to chime in as well, especially with certain issues that have me flat out terrified and appalled.

But I bit my online/ public tongue. (Though I still signed certain petitions and voted according to my reasoning and beliefs.)

For all of my reasons, I give an example. Who remembers the TV show, "Malcolm in the Middle?" There was an episode with which I'd wanted to youtube clip, but alas, it was unavailable. So you'll have to bear with my describing it:

Dewey, the youngest child of the sitcom, is charged with selling candy bars for prizes. He sells a ton by lying to the neighborhood in regards to what "causes" the candy bars support. The matter comes to a head when two outraged women who seem to be best friends confront Dewey's mother.

"He told me these candy bars support pro-life causes" one accuses.

"He told me these candy bars support pro-choice causes," the other says at nearly the same time.

They turn to each other with equal looks of astonishment.

"I had no idea you felt that way."

"Well, I had no idea you felt THAT WAY!"

And, POOF!They are now sworn enemies and hate each other for life.

The whole scene sickened me because I've seen it happen so often in real life with practically every political "issue" there is. And this scene may stand as a prime example of all the reasons I usually publicly avoid politics.

1.) It is "bad for business." Yes, many celebrities and bestselling authors voice their opinions on issues, but as a newbie, I feel I do not have such a luxury. I write romance novels which focus on unique characters getting their happily ever after with no political message involved. It would be very depressing if someone refused to buy my book just because I support X and they support Y.

2.) It would just confuse people anyway. Even if I did voice an opinion on X or Y, people would likely get confused with the mixed messages because I also support B vs. C. I am honest with my Facebook profile labeling me as "anti-partisan." (It used to be "bi-partisan" until too many idiots became fixed on the "WE hate chocolate because THEY like it" concept.) For example, I know many pro-choice republicans as well as many pro-2nd amendment democrats.

I've publicly commented that I own firearms for hunting as well as for home protection. I'd rather have the cops arresting and interrogating me over an invader's dead body than the cops investigating my dead body as well as those of my children in hope of finding a culprit. Education and safety are key, however. I'm not one of those dumb-asses who leaves a loaded gun in the presence of children, much less children (or adults) who don't understand the damage a firearm can do. I also believe some people should not own guns.

So I swing on both sides of the fence on the partisanship with that one.

On the flip side (again I fail to see why it's a flip side) I see no logical reason to oppose gay marriage. If you really do your homework on how much the government and the economy profits from marriage and divorce, there is no reason to oppose a legal union between two consenting adults.     

3.) It's pretty funny how I can say in any company, "Damn, the government sucks, huh?" And I have yet to hear someone reply, "What are you talking about? Everything's great!" Which kinda proves my point that those of us who are U.S. citizens and taxpayers are ALL citizens of the same country and maybe we should quit bickering and remember that. 


Oh, okay, I guess I did get a little political...especially yesterday when I publicly called the president of the Idaho state senate on his appalling abuse of grammar:


" I'm watching the convening of the Idaho Senate and the president keeps saying "There ain't no further debate" and "There ain't no objections." 
I am appalled. Mr. president, please speak proper English. You are supposed to be representing my state, and speaking like a hillbilly is not a form of representation I would like to see. 
On a positive note, they seem to be working on getting more dearly needed funding for higher education, so maybe then he'll be able to take an English class."

Analyzing 8 Common Romance Themes

As with my other analysis posts, I am not a psychologist, I just like to find the reasoning behind everything. My mom's trademark scold to me was: "Brook, stop being so f*cking analytical!" Damn, I miss her.

Anyway, one cannot help but notice many regular themes in romance novels, and many of those stand out because they are often unrealistic. I'm not writing this post to defend or attack these themes, I'm just pointing out my theories in their appeal to readers.

1.) Virgin Heroine (unless it's a historical): Many women regret their first time...especially if their first time was with a total jackass. I believe the virgin heroine fulfills the readers fantasy of having the first time be with THE ONE.

2.) Extremely Beautiful Heroine: Okay, I have a cynical theory and a optimistic one. Cynical: Society is so fixated on physical appearance that it could be hard to believe the hero would fall for an ugly heroine. Optimistic: Maybe the heroine isn't that beautiful in society's standards...but the hero sees her that way.

3.) Naive Heroine: I must stress, Naive, not TSTL (Too stupid to live). I believe the appeal of such a character is to give a breather from the jaded people we know, including ourselves. It's fun to learn new things and see the world from a fresh perspective. I also enjoy watching a character grow.

4.) Gorgeous Hero:
A.) The reader may be turned off by an ugly hero. Of course it's all in the imagination of the beholder. I thought those hairy, "porn-stached" heroes from 80's romances were repulsive.

B.) Remember back in high school when all the girls swooned over a certain guy? (In my case I never did because I'm not into the tan-blond-pretty-boy look) Anyway, I believe the "gorgeous hero" fulfills the fantasy of the reader landing such a paragon.

5.) Rich Hero: One cannot argue that one of the biggest fights in a marriage is about money. With the rich hero, this issue is nullified. Also, it's so much easier to focus on adventures and sexual chemistry if the characters aren't slogging through a 40+ hr work week and panicking about bills. The reader deals with that enough in real life.

6.) Alpha Hero: I've touched on this subject before in my post, "Alpha or A-hole?" But I didn't speculate much on the appeal of such a hero. I think a lot about my paternal grandparents' marriage. She totally wears the pants and I remember once asking her what would happen if she wasn't able to cook every meal. "Well, I think he could figure out how to make a sandwich," she replied tentatively. ::sigh:: It makes me even more appreciative that my man can cook and does it well. Still, I run the show most of the time. (Shhhh...don't tell him!) From a reader perspective, it's a nice vacation to see the man take charge and do things for a change...as long as he isn't being a bullying prick about it.

 7.) Characters with extraordinary jobs: Who wants to read about Harold the accountant, or Susan the Wal Mart greeter? Rock stars, Navy Seals, Spies, Vampire Lords, and Alpha werewolves are just so much more fun and fiction is a great place to find 'em.

8.) "Magic Hoo-hah" and "Mighty Wang": Thanks so much to the ladies at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for educating us on those lovely terms. Okay, they called the first "Hoo-hoo" but I prefer Hoo-ha for inexplicable reasons...maybe it just sounds more cheerful. Again, I have to be cynical on the basis for their popularity. In today's jaded society, it seems rare for couples to remain faithful to each other. But with a "magic hoo-hah" or "mighty wang," your partner would never dream of straying to another after experiencing such greatness.

Calling in Sick Today...but laughter's good medicine.

Between a week-long sinus infection and an unpleasant bout of food poisoning, I didn't get around to writing a blog post for today. Since laughter is the best medicine, I spent some time on my favorite productivity inhibiting site: Cracked.com. One of the articles that did further injury to my stomach was: The 15 Worst Album Covers of All Time

I wasn't surprised to see the Scorpions: Virgin Killer original cover as #1 and some were equally offensive. But many were hilarious. One was so craptastic and funny that I almost want it made into a T-shirt.

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you BONED.

Many guitarists act like their guitar is an extension of their penis, but these guys seem to think their penis IS their guitar...At least, I think that's what's going on here. I wonder why this one's not cordless. Either way, I'm gonna have my husband keep an eye out for this gem when he's shopping for his record collection.

On another note. The contest to win THE SHADOW OF TIAMAT by Sean T. Poindexter is still OPEN, leave a comment and I'll draw a winner on Sunday. 

Finding the Silver Lining in Being Poor.

Nature is free...and that rocks.

Last week I ran across this heart-wrenching blog post on being poor. So many things...especially in the comments section had me in tears because a lot of it hit close to home.

After a few hours of being depressed by the post, I decided to write an answer to it. Believe it or not, there are some positive things about being poor...and some things of priceless value.

Now, a lot of the perspective I have is being poor in a small city in Northern Idaho. That other post made me thankful for the most part that I never lived in a big city. It seems the only advantages to being "big city poor" would have been more shelters and public transportation. Until recently, we had no public transit system and the only homeless shelters available were one for single men and another for battered women. The men had to jump through nearly impossible hoops, and the women...well, if they weren't battered, then I guess it was assumed they should find a man to live with, or take up stripping, I don't know. What I do know is that many citizens of my town have spent at least a few months either living in their cars or in the mountains.

Okay, now to the positive stuff:

Being poor is learning your strengths and full potential. Through enduring and surviving hardship, one gains unique confidence.

Being poor is learning a variety of skills. My husband can darn socks and rebuild lawnmowers, chainsaws & weed eaters. I can fix my own cars, play darts for money, and we both have quite a lot of experience in construction, home repairs, & some plumbing repair.

Being poor is learning to pinch a penny until it bleeds. I'll use my car as an example. One can save thousands of dollars by 1.) Buying by private sale only, 2.) Learning to fix it yourself, 3.) learning the best places to acquire parts...i.e. you can get decent tires on rims at a junk yard...and it's always best to have your snow tires already on rims because having them changed at a shop costs big bucks, whereas busting out your jack and doing it yourself is free and easy.

Being poor is learning the resources of the land to feed your family. My husband grows a garden which not only keeps us stocked year round with home canned goods, but also has enough surplus so we may help out others. We also gather mushrooms and berries from the mountains, hunt and fish. Our freezer is now stocked with enough meat to last until late summer. And we'll be making a year's worth of jam next.

Being poor is learning to feed a large family with little expense. On the post I read, someone commented that "hot water + free ketchup packets from fast food joints = tomato soup." I'd never gone that far, though I've stretched cans of tomato soup with ketchup. I also know about 100 different ways to make Top Ramen. Also, did you know that it's cheaper to buy a beef roast and have the meat department guy grind it than it is to buy hamburger?

Being poor is finding treasure at thrift stores and yard sales. I often get the greatest compliments on my cute outfits that cost me under 5 bucks. Hell, even if I ever get rich, I'll still go to yard sales. It's such an adventure!

Being poor is discovering that there's still goodness and hope in humanity. There have been many instances in which my family's been saved by the kindness of strangers. I am eternally grateful to them all.

Being poor is experiencing a wonderful feeling when you're able to help someone else. Whether it's giving away food from our garden or a pack of venison steaks, donating clothes to another needy mom, dropping a few dimes in the animal shelter donation jars, or passing on info about a job opening, it feels like I've done something to repay the times I've been helped.

Being poor is having an invaluable community. These last few years, its seems like my whole neighborhood's been going through tough times, but we help each other out. Each summer we'd pool our resources. One would bring burger meat, another had fresh ears of corn, I'd make a pasta salad. Together we'd have an excellent barbecue and eat and laugh like kings.

Being poor is knowing the true joy of family. No matter what, we always have each other.

Being poor is knowing all the free entertainment at your fingertips. Besides fishing, swimming, and camping, there's art galleries to visit, free concerts at the city park, and the company of family and friends. To me, good conversation is priceless, and I'd pass on expensive movie tickets for that experience. And there's the library, which supplies not only books, but music and movie rentals, and activities for children.

Being poor is getting a good laugh...and sometimes a twinge of pity for rich people. Another comment in the sad post said something about bumping into someone's Prada bag and realizing the bag is worth more than their life. I, on the other hand, would probably be all, "HAHAHA! You paid (exorbitant sum) for that ugly thing that you won't be able to carry next year because your "friends" will make fun of you for being out of fashion?" To me it seems the rich are judged by what they have more than who they are as people.

So, despite being momentarily dejected by the that other post, I've come to a realization: I may be poor, but I am blessed in so many ways. If things get worse, I know I have the courage, skills, and strength to survive. If things get better, that would be great! But, I'll still eat Top Ramen for lunch...though I may have king crab legs for dinner. :)