"Sisterhood of the Travelling Uterus": a viewpoint on gender misunderstandings.

For my last semester in college I am taking Literary Analysis and Survey of American Literature. I'm also taking zoology and humanities, but we can talk about those later.

Anyway, both of my English professors are best friends and totally in cahoots with each other. This was once more proven last week when first, in American Lit, we read "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. It's a short story about a Victorian woman who believed she was sick, (she'd just had a baby) but her husband, who was a doctor and a man, thus right about everything, told her she was fine.

However, he decided to rent an old country house and kept her locked up in isolation in a dilapidated nursery with bars on the windows and chains on the walls and really messed up wallpaper. Naturally, this did not end well. I highly recommend reading it.

An illustration for the tale. Her hair is down. Clearly she has been overtaken by madness.

The story was inspired by the author's experience with a doctor who had prescribed what was called "the rest cure" for her "hysteria." She was to limit any intellectual stimulation, have few conversations with others and under no circumstances, pick up a book or a pen for the rest of her life. I almost cried when I read that.

Anyway, "hysteria" was believed to be a woman's malady. The term was first coined by Plato who believed the condition was caused by a woman's uterus wandering through her body. The cure was for her to have a man to put it back in place either physically (sex) or simply by controlling her. The ancient Greeks were freakin' terrified of women. I learned this in my last literature class.

Anyway, so next I went to my Literary Analysis class and the instructor had written "Sisterhood of the Travelling Uterus" on the discussion part of the board. So credit for the blog title is given to the lovely professor Michaud. ::waves::

Our current topic was psychoanalysis and we discussed Freudian psychology concerning hysteria, which turned out not to be any different from either Plato's or Victorian theories. We also discussed absentee mother issues in "King Lear" and other depressing things that happen from obsessions with erroneous concepts of gender roles.

Anyway, it occurred to me that the crazy beliefs regarding "hysteria" and other aspects of a woman's psyche were definitely still in place during the regency era, which is when my upcoming paranormal romance series takes place.

Seriously, think about this. From appx. 300 B.C.E. to the twentieth century, people believed that a woman's uterus wandered through her body and a man needed to control her to keep it in check. No wonder HEAs are rare in real life.

How will crazysauce concepts like this affect historical romance characters?       

Attack of the Plot-Moppets: 5 Reasons I Don't Have Children in my Romances

Nope, don't want em at all.

The lovely ladies at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books have a hilarious glossary which features nifty terms for common things found in romance novels.


Today I wanted to discuss the "Plot Moppet: a small child who has no purpose or development except to drive the plot forward. (Coined and defined by Red Headed Girl)."


And this is one of the reasons I don't care to read about such characters, much less write them. But here are my other reasons:


1.) I read romance to take a vacation from children. I'm a mother of three and although parenting is rewarding, it can be very stressful. Enjoying a three hundred page break from them is a dearly needed breather.


2.) Kids are messy and bratty in real life. But many romance novels seem to pretend they're perfect angels. I can only suspend my disbelief so much. And I try to be realistic in my writing, so why would I want to write about kids destroying the heroines favorite things and giving her a headache with their squabbling?

And sometimes, they're pure EVIL!

3.) Kids are a buzz-kill on the "mood." Yeah, I know where babies come from, but that doesn't mean it's hot when the tot gets in the way during "sexy-times." Of course most of the books I read handle this with the kid conveniently going to bed without protest or being hauled away by a nanny. Which again brings me to frustrated disbelief.


4.) Most of my heroes are vampires and my vampires are sterile. So I don't have to worry about it for most of my books....until my Urban Fantasy series in which there are some disturbing scientific breakthroughs in vampire reproduction. But I'll handle that when it happens.


5.) Most romances feature heroines who want to become mothers and I want to write for those who do not. I believe the genre sometimes neglects these women. I believe there should be moppet-free stories for them too.         

My thoughts on bad erotica.

A lot of romance authors, including myself are annoyed when people refer to romance novels as porn for women. But, surprisingly I've discovered that many erotica authors feel the same way about their work. Well, I kinda think erotica is porn. Porn is made for the purpose of inciting sexual arousal in its audience and I always felt that erotica served the same use. I mean, it's not like I read it for a compelling story or a deep emotional connection. (Disclaimer, I'm referring to short erotica stories, not erotic romance, which does involve those aspects.)

That said, I should clarify my statement: Well-written erotica is like good porn with good acting.

Admit it, most of us have seen at least one adult film...and chances are, we've seen an awful one...or ten. The bad acting goes far beyond robotic lines.

The worst aspect is the woman who is obviously faking enjoyment. Watching her painful efforts to mask the agony in her eyes and moan in false pleasure always makes me think the director shouted, "Now you better pretend to like it, or this rape film will turn into a snuff film real quick!"

...and sometimes it's the guy who seems to be losing his...um...enthusiasm despite his costar's desperate attempts to moan encouragement. It's like they're being held at gunpoint or something.

Get in the mood, or else!

Badly written erotica is the same way. It doesn't matter how many "dirty" words and exclamation points the author throws in. It's not going to turn me on. I'm going to give an example, but to keep it PG-13, I'm going to replace all the dirty words with "smurf."

"My smurf was so wet. At last my fantasy of being filled with two smurfs was about to come true! Lester's tongue flicked across my throbbing smurf as Wilbur unfastened his pants releasing his giant smurf. 


"I took it all into my mouth and fondled his smurfs. His hand reached forward to stroke and pinch my smurfs! 


"Then Lester's smurf plunged inside of me, filling my smurf until I couldn't take another inch! 
'Smurf me, Lester!' I cried as Wilbur's smurf dripped down my chin."

And then Gargamel showed up, turning this nightmare into a full-fledged clustersmurf.

Anyway, you get my point.

Now good, smurf-free erotica is, well, it's hot, and definitely does incite arousal in its audience. So if someone calls it porn, I shrug and say, "So?"

However, finding quality erotica can be difficult, so I always recommend downloading the free sample first....and if it ends up being bad, I turn on the text-to speech feature and enjoy a good sophomoric laugh. 

Analyzing 8 Common Romance Themes

As with my other analysis posts, I am not a psychologist, I just like to find the reasoning behind everything. My mom's trademark scold to me was: "Brook, stop being so f*cking analytical!" Damn, I miss her.

Anyway, one cannot help but notice many regular themes in romance novels, and many of those stand out because they are often unrealistic. I'm not writing this post to defend or attack these themes, I'm just pointing out my theories in their appeal to readers.

1.) Virgin Heroine (unless it's a historical): Many women regret their first time...especially if their first time was with a total jackass. I believe the virgin heroine fulfills the readers fantasy of having the first time be with THE ONE.

2.) Extremely Beautiful Heroine: Okay, I have a cynical theory and a optimistic one. Cynical: Society is so fixated on physical appearance that it could be hard to believe the hero would fall for an ugly heroine. Optimistic: Maybe the heroine isn't that beautiful in society's standards...but the hero sees her that way.

3.) Naive Heroine: I must stress, Naive, not TSTL (Too stupid to live). I believe the appeal of such a character is to give a breather from the jaded people we know, including ourselves. It's fun to learn new things and see the world from a fresh perspective. I also enjoy watching a character grow.

4.) Gorgeous Hero:
A.) The reader may be turned off by an ugly hero. Of course it's all in the imagination of the beholder. I thought those hairy, "porn-stached" heroes from 80's romances were repulsive.

B.) Remember back in high school when all the girls swooned over a certain guy? (In my case I never did because I'm not into the tan-blond-pretty-boy look) Anyway, I believe the "gorgeous hero" fulfills the fantasy of the reader landing such a paragon.

5.) Rich Hero: One cannot argue that one of the biggest fights in a marriage is about money. With the rich hero, this issue is nullified. Also, it's so much easier to focus on adventures and sexual chemistry if the characters aren't slogging through a 40+ hr work week and panicking about bills. The reader deals with that enough in real life.

6.) Alpha Hero: I've touched on this subject before in my post, "Alpha or A-hole?" But I didn't speculate much on the appeal of such a hero. I think a lot about my paternal grandparents' marriage. She totally wears the pants and I remember once asking her what would happen if she wasn't able to cook every meal. "Well, I think he could figure out how to make a sandwich," she replied tentatively. ::sigh:: It makes me even more appreciative that my man can cook and does it well. Still, I run the show most of the time. (Shhhh...don't tell him!) From a reader perspective, it's a nice vacation to see the man take charge and do things for a change...as long as he isn't being a bullying prick about it.

 7.) Characters with extraordinary jobs: Who wants to read about Harold the accountant, or Susan the Wal Mart greeter? Rock stars, Navy Seals, Spies, Vampire Lords, and Alpha werewolves are just so much more fun and fiction is a great place to find 'em.

8.) "Magic Hoo-hah" and "Mighty Wang": Thanks so much to the ladies at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for educating us on those lovely terms. Okay, they called the first "Hoo-hoo" but I prefer Hoo-ha for inexplicable reasons...maybe it just sounds more cheerful. Again, I have to be cynical on the basis for their popularity. In today's jaded society, it seems rare for couples to remain faithful to each other. But with a "magic hoo-hah" or "mighty wang," your partner would never dream of straying to another after experiencing such greatness.

A Writer's Work Week

Much of the world begins their work week on Monday. I try to do the same. It works easier during the school year. The kids leave in the morning and I crack my knuckles and attack the keyboard. In the summer, it's a little more difficult. I have children underfoot and twice as much housework. Still, a writer needs stability.

Some Mondays I manage to get an impressive outpouring of productivity. I manage to get my blog post in, meet my writing or editing goal for the day and even slip in some valuable social networking.

Other times, however, I'm overwhelmed with errands and other "real world" drama and get nothing done. Or there's the times where I'm either sucked into a good book or distracted by the usual plethora of diversions on the web.

This seems to ruin my week. It seems if I don't accomplish something on Monday, it sets a pattern for the rest of the week. I then find myself working on the weekends and generally bumming people out with my grumpy determination to ignore the fun and keep my nose to the grindstone.

On the other hand, if I do too much on Monday, I get tempted to slack off on other days, thus falling into the same trap.

How about you? When do you start your work week and what are the benefits or pitfalls?

Freakish Friday: Physical Defects

Long gone are the days when the heroes and heroines of romance novels had to be perfect physical specimens. Well, the hero could have a few scars as long as they enhanced his machismo and made him look dangerous. But the heroine... hell no! She must have alabaster skin, perfect boobs, etc.

I am much happier with today's romance novels. I know I bring up JR Ward a lot, and with my new Friday theme I will probably continue to do so because her characters are so delightfully flawed. One of her heroes is blind and another is partially castrated, to begin with. One of her heroines is average looking and has scars from surgical operations. I love her for this!

As much as I have issues with Laurell K. Hamilton these days, she was even more ballsy. One of her characters had tentacles! Apparently that's a huge fetish in Japan nowadays but I was pretty squicked out at first. But the way she wrote Sholto, she made him beautiful and sexy. That's damn impressive...until when it came time for the heroine to get it on with him and the tentacles magically disappeared and turned into a tattoo. I and many other readers were disappointed with this if you can believe it.

Why? Because we fell in love with Sholto and wanted him to be embraced for who and what he was.

Although she's not in the paranormal genre, I have to give major kudos to historical romance author, Eloisa James for giving her characters defects. In FOOL FOR LOVE, her heroine has a bad hip. In WHEN BEAUTY TAMED THE BEAST, the hero has a bad leg (and is also the regency version of Dr. House, how awesome is that?!) and the beautiful heroine becomes disfigured by an illness but he still LOVED her!!! Seriously, that one made me cry.

What other authors have dared to defy romance tradition by making imperfect characters? What can we learn from them?    

Don't Take The Writer Literally: A Rant. (Part 1)

I don't often mention this in public, but here goes: I'm in counseling for grief from my mother's death and a few other things. The reason I bring this up is that my counselor (awesome lady ::waves::) has read some of my work. Next appointment, we're going to discuss a few details of my characters..which inspired the post, but not the rant.

Before I rant, I shall say, a few subjects she wants to bring up made me think...especially a side character who had maybe three lines of dialogue and little significance to me at all. But we've gotten to know each other over several months, so maybe there's something in there.

Then there's the opinions of total strangers....

Let the rant commence:

I know most of you following this blog are writers. How many times do random people automatically assume one of your main characters is you? And doesn't it get irritating?

One of my main characters is a cheerful, fearless rock star with supernatural powers.

Another is a timid psychic who wants to be a counselor.

Another is a cynical, foul mouthed, beer swilling mechanic.

Another is an emotionally beaten down historical romance author.

And the list goes on.

But every time I describe one of these or any other female character, (which I think is odd, I mean, I identify with Harry and Harold better in the movies, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY and HAROLD AND MAUDE...though Maude's my hero) ...anyway, someone always asks or states, "Is that you?"

NO! But...parts of me are. I always wanted to sing and play music. I used to be a mechanic. I worked as a caregiver for 5 years, and I am an author. I have been emotionally beaten down (who hasn't?). I can be fearless. I can be cheerful. I can be cynical.

As Stephen King said, (paraphrased) "there's a bit of me in every character," but none are me.
Really, I don't think it would be possible to write myself into a book anymore than to write someone else in one. People are too complex. I'll elaborate further in the next post.

Speaking of Stephen King... A friend told me she refused to read him anymore after reading MISERY. For those behind the times, it's about a famous author held hostage by a crazed fan demanding he write a sequel to a series in which the heroine died.

My friend took the story as an essay on how he felt about his fans. She thinks he hates us all. As a writer, I took it as the usual "What if" situation that comes to all writers.

Maybe Sai King started out with "What if," But in ON WRITING he bared his soul and told what he really meant: The crazed fan, Annie Wilkes, was actually a symbol for the torment of drug and alcohol addiction King was suffering at the time. "...and I was sick of being Annie's pet writer," he said.

Which goes to show you: The truth in fiction isn't usually what you think.

Romance and Anatomy, how specific?

I read romances in which the sexuality ranges from sweet to very naughty. What I love about the romance genre is that there's a heat level for everyone. In my conversations with other romance authors, I've noticed a recurring topic: How to refer to *those* parts. (I wish I could use "schlong." I LOVE that word! Alas, it's not sexy.) Although I'm working on my fifth (I think) romance, I still have to stop and think about it. I base my decision on two key factors.

A.) The heat level I'm going for (I usually go for super sensual but not quite erotica.)

B.) My characters. Since my heroes are, well, men, most will think of their appendage as their cock. And some of my more matter-of-fact heroines will, too. My current one doesn't because she's more of a "nice girl."

How the ladies think of their stuff is actually a bigger problem for me. "vagina" is too clinical, "c*nt" too harsh (I used it once and offended a reader) and "hoo-hah" is too goofy. So far I base it on the heat of the scene ranging from vague euphemisms like "her core" to flat out naming the parts getting attention...like the clit. Romance heroes always know how to find it. :)

There are a few words/ phrases that I won't touch with a ten foot pole and I'm happy to share why.

I will not compare lady parts to flowers. For one thing, I'm not Georgia O'Keefe, for another it just doesn't come natural to me, no matter how much I enjoy the old-school poems referring to "Dew on the Lily."

I will never use the word "manroot." Not only would such silliness not occur to me, but there's a rant on an Amazon forum that convinces me readers don't want it.

I won't use the term "manhood" in a sexual situation because I don't want a man to be defined only by his genitals. However, if he gets kicked in the junk... and totally deserved it "He clutched his wounded manhood..." I think it works.

My heroines' wombs won't "clench" in desire. A womb has no play in sexuality. That stops at the cervix. If a womb is clenching it's either menstrual cramps or contractions from pregnancy. A clenching womb is painful, not arousing! Sorry, that's a big annoyance for me.

How 'bout you guys? How detailed are your descriptions? What ones turn you off?

Also, authors Jamie De Bree and Carol Buchanan have been doing a series on their blogs called "Sex on the Page." The posts are a lot of fun. Jamie's are a little steamier but Carol has a certain delicious subtlety.

Getting to Know You.

It's been about a year and a half since I created this blog and I'm all the way up to 90 followers! W00T! Now I must confess that I check out all your profiles and I enjoy getting to know more about you. One surprising thing I've noticed is that despite my blog's subject being predominately Paranormal Romance....though I frequently deviate... many of you read and write different things. I have followers that write horror, fantasy, science fiction, and all subgenres of romance... including inspirational!

It warms my heart to see such a variety and I think it helps make this blog more interesting. Now I would like to thank you all for your support and feedback on my posts. I would also like you to let me know what you write and what you read so I can better tailor my posts to be useful or at least entertaining to everyone.

Again, thanks so much and big hugs to you all!

P.S Be sure to stop by on Friday for a Special Guest post from debut author, REBECCA ZANETTI and a chance to win a copy of her shiny new release, FATED!!!

Define "Smut."

This was an older post of mine that I thought was a lot of fun.

From 5th grade on I was famous for reading horror, fantasy, and classics. What people around me didn't know was that by age 13, I'd also gotten a taste of historical romance novels and was hooked. It wasn't until after high school that I decided to quit reading them in secret and to "come out of the closet," so to speak. But still, I used to be a little embarrassed and offended when a friend would eye one of the romance novels I was reading and say, "Oh, you're reading one of those 'smut books' again."

I threw off the shame of reading "smut" after awhile...or so I thought. I was always adamant to argue that the romance novels I read weren't smut. "Becausethey have a plot," was my typical argument. I had cast away the shame of reading romance novels so much that I began writing my own. Never mind that it took awhile before I would flat out say "romance" when asked what I wrote, after awhile I admitted it.

Then, a couple years back, I embraced the term "smut." I was a mechanic that also did some construction work on the side and all of my coworkers were men. When they saw me working on a manuscript during break time, they'd ask what I wrote.

"Paranormal Romance," I replied with a steely gaze, daring them to laugh.

My response was always greeted with a blank stare, and maybe a tentative, "Huh? What's that?"

Finally I grew sick of their confusion and said, "Supernatural Smut." (Catchy name, huh?)

Comprehension dawned in every man's eyes. "Oh, okay." Then either we'd all get back to work or they'd go on to ask what the story was about.

It was then that I realized a few things:

1.) Many men don't know what "Romance" is as a genre, but they all know what "smut" is.

2.) "Smut" isn't really a bad thing for most people.

3.) "Smut" is a figurative term.

Did you know that THE GREAT GATSBY was once referred to as "smut" when it was banned by a few schools a few decades back? I remember very little about that book. Schools have a way of sucking the fun out of almost any piece of reading. But if it DID have anything I would remotely consider to be "smutty" I bet I would have enjoyed it more.

So what is "smut?" Is it any romance novel? Or just romance novels with sex scenes? Is it romance novels with cheesy or non-existent storylines? Is it porn without a plot?

I would love to hear how you define "smut" and why.

Why Paranormal Romance? An Analysis.

I'm one of those people that has to know "why" for everything. I pick things apart and dissect them further under a microscope. One of my mom's trademark scolds to me was, "Brook, stop being so f***ing analytical!" But I just can't help it. ..And one evening I started analyzing my favorite fiction genre: Paranormal Romance. It rocks! But why? I came up with a few theories, but please keep in mind that I am not a trained psychiatrist, so many of these are probably crackpot ideas. But I think they're still fun.

1.) The "My Man's Better" Fantasy.

a.) You know those catty women who like to rub in your face (especially if you're single) how good looking their man is, how much richer, etc.? Imagine firing back: "Oh yeah, bi***, MY man can fly, has superhuman strength AND is a walking wet dream!" HA!

b.) Or even better: "Supernatural Boyfriend Beats Loser Ex in Every Way." Sherrilyn Kenyon does awesome with this, in my opinion. The heroine's heart was broken by her loser ex...but sometime later in the story, loser ex and new paranormal hottie cross paths. Most of the time, he doesn't even have to touch him and loser ex is shrinking away with his tail between his legs. Good stuff!

2.) Side Effect of Women's Liberation. I may come under fire for these, but please keep in mind, they're just random musings.

a.) Only a supernatural guy can get away with "alpha/ protective" tendencies without offending a lady's strong woman sensibilities. Because he's an ancient vampire and thus old-fashioned/ because of his werewolf instincts/ etc... a gal just has to accept...and secretly love that that is just how he is.

b.) Only a supernatural guy could handle a tough supernatural woman without it hurting his masculinity. Our culture seems to imply that the stronger a woman becomes, the more she has to give up her femininity....and the world seems to hint that men don't like that. But say you were a kick ass heroine with supernatural abilities? Surely a kick ass hero with abilities of his own won't be threatened.

c.) Only a supernatural guy can protect/ take care of me. In today's world, women aren't supposed to "need" a man to take care of them. We do just fine taking care of ourselves. But...admit it: The thought of a big strong man who REALLY could take care of you and destroy bad guys in a single blow is kinda nice once in awhile. But it's really hard to picture your average corporate guy or lawyer rising to the occasion. A vampire, on the other hand...

3.) Justification for Natural Desires that Society Causes Us To Be Ashamed Of:


a.) Supernatural Sex Appeal: It is still bantered about that if a woman likes/ wants sex, then she's a whore. But if a supernatural event sends you tumbling into the man's arms, you can't be blamed, right?

b.) Supernatural Stamina/ Skills in the sack: No "one-minute-wonders" here! And he has superhuman strength to maintain some hot positions!


4.) Dealing With Prejudice:
Prejudice and bigotry is all around us. Everyone suffers from it one way or another. Fiction helps us deal with it. Whether it's vampires vs. werewolves, demons vs. angels, or katagari vs. arcadian, we can empathize.


5.) Monster Within, Monster Without.
What inspired this post was reading RAGE by Richard Bachman (Stephen King) for the second time. The 1st read is too much of a slap in the face to be able to process, kinda like the 1st time you see "Fight Club." Anyway, the story is about a kid who loses his mind, shoots his teacher and holds his classmates hostage. Throughout the story the class reveal their inner demons and come to respect each other and themselves.

So...maybe paranormal romance is a way to bring out your inner monster...and come to love it a little?

6.) Fear of Not Being Valued:
Okay, this one's a little dark, twisted, and sad. There's a paragraph in RAGE that brought me to tears, it was so close to home (pg. 116 in THE BACHMAN BOOKS, Signet, 1986):
         "...I felt really good. It was like the Christmas spirit and all that. I was thinking about getting home and having hot chocolate with whipped cream on top of it. And then this old car drove by, and whoever was driving cranked his window down and yelled, 'Hi, cu**!'"
       "........'Just like that,' she said bitterly. 'It was all wrecked. Spoiled. Like an apple you thought was good and then bit into a worm hole. "Hi, cu**.' As if that was all there was, no person, just a huh-h-h....' Her mouth pulled down in a trembling, agonized grimace. "And that's like being bright, too. They want to stuff things into your head until it's all filled up. It's a different hole, that's all. That's all."
Okay, I hoped I followed the rules in quoting that paragraph right.

So I wonder how many women besides me fear that that is all men see when they look at us, just a hole. And maybe it takes a supernatural being to see us and value us as human beings.

7.) Good Old-Fashioned Escapism:
The real world can be depressing and boring. It's fun to take a break from it!

So there's my half-baked theories on the appeal of the genre. Feel free to call me crazy. But what are yours? I love to theorize!