Why STRANGELAND irritated the crap out of me: A Movie Rant

Okay, I'll come out and admit that I'm twice as disappointed in this film because I'd had such high expectations. Dee Snider is awesomesauce. Even if you don't enjoy TWISTED SISTER (which I think is pretty good, but not among my favorites) One cannot help but applaud the way he takes on the U.S Senate and Tipper Gore regarding music censorship and comes out on top.

Seriously, watching this is a kajillion times better than the film.

To sum it up, Mr. Snider is an extremely intelligent guy. I'd expected an intelligent film. But alas, it was mostly infuriatingly stupid-ly unbelievable and sends messages that Snider himself argued against in real life.

Before I rant on the details, I'll quote a Summary from IMBd

" A schizophrenic sadist by the name of Captain Howdy lures teens through the internet into his painful traps. A detective starts pursuing him after he captures his daughter. Eventually they catch up with him and send him to a mental hospital. But upon his release, the townspeople don't accept the new, peaceful former Captain Howdy, and attack him. Howdy goes nuts again and in revenge starts everything all over, only worse. Can the detective stop him?..."

And I gotta admit, "Captain Howdy" which most people think is a nod to The Exorcist, but is really a 1984 Twisted Sister song about a child molester/murderer (But not in the film) is pretty damn terrifying.

Now for the rant...

1.) This movie makes pierced and tattooed people look like psychos. 

Seriously, as the villain tortures the ever-loving shit out of his victims, he spends half the film declaring that his tats and piercings are his identity and make him superior to others.

The majority of the tattooed and pierced folks I know are the among the nicest I've met and it bugs the crap out of me that someone who argued vehemently that self-expression and being different doesn't make you a bad person gave the opposite impression in his film.

Why the hell couldn't he have been the hero and the bland-looking cop been the villain?

2.) This movie also makes people who are into kink/ BDSM/ sadomasochism look bad.

I've met many people whose tastes run that way and AGAIN, the majority are nicer, and better mannered people than most "vanillas" I've met. I sang karaoke with many and did I get kidnapped and tortured? No, we sang songs and I received an education on their culture. I was also treated with more respect than I was among other groups of friends. They wouldn't so much as shake my hand without permission and protected me from drunk pervs who tried to cop a feel. 

A culture which is centered on RESPECT, MUTUAL CONSENT, and SAFETY!

The sadomasochistic villain kidnapped non-consenting victims and sewed their mouths shut before playing with them "so he could educate them and show them the glory of pain and pleasure." Hell, Pinhead and his cenobites were smarter than that. If he really wanted anyone to "understand" his lifestyle, he could have found many willing students on a fetish site ... or I dunno, that "metal" club that was full of kinksters? And they could have TALKED about each other's desires. ::Facepalm::

3.) Waaaay too many incidents that were incapable of suspension of belief.

..and now for a sub-list.

a.) The hero, a cop whose daughter is one of the victims, doesn't know how to use a computer. The film took place in 1998. Cops knew how to use computers by then. He has to have his freakin' niece point out that maybe his daughter was missing because she met someone online. Then she had to teach him how to go into the chatroom and look up the guy's profile.

b.) After looking up the guy's profile, and pretending to be a teen in the chat room, the cop automatically pegs him as the kidnapper when invited to a party.

c.) Getting an invite to a party was enough to get a house stormed by cops without a warrant or anything.

d.) However the villain gave them the wrong address (They storm in on old people having sex and almost give them heart attacks which is funny). ...BUT when the cop finds the villain's REAL lair, he goes poking around on his own, which is stupid AND illegal.

e.)  Outside of the villain's house, the cop trips over a garbage bag full of surgical needles.

 Tattooed and pierced people are very hygienic and would never dispose of their sharps that way. Hell, the villain was wearing gloves and being all sanitary with his victims, but he just tosses a bunch of bio-hazardous evidence in his backyard? What in the ever-loving fuck?

4.) The story ALMOST gets interesting, then takes a nosedive.

The villain gets busted, but since the only one of his victims died (and from a heart-attack, not from torture) he manages to get a verdict of "not guilty due to insanity" and gets out after only 4 years in a mental institution. He's "totally rehabilitated" and removed his piercings and covered his tats with makeup. 

He now dresses like a total dork and seems like a meek nerd.

...Then he moves right back into his old house in his old neighborhood, where an angry mob protests outside. 

2 cool parts about that. 

a.) The protest sign that read "We're Not Gonna Take It" made me grin.

b.) Seeing THIS GUY in the mob.

   

 You might recognize him better as THIS GUY

 And in a most delightful cinematic twist, the guy who played Freddy Krueger, a character who was murdered by an angry mob, led an angry mob and lynched the villain.

...who ended up surviving because the tree limb broke after the crowd left.

And this is where the movie really went to shit. The rain washes off the villain's makeup and then in the next scene he's magically pierced up the wazoo again and goes back to torturing people. Though I admit the sight of "Freddy" being a victim was amusing.

Anyway, the villain and the cop have a big showdown (again, stupidly alone) and that's it.

What would have been much more interesting would be if Robert Englund's (Freddy) character was a murderer and Dee Snider's character ended up redeeming himself by helping bust the guy. I know that rips off Silence of The Lambs, but hell, this movie was already doing that in other ways anyway.

Now back to other things

5.) There's just something wrong about the guy who wrote the 1984 song "Street Justice" (Which is similar to the back-story of Freddy Krueger, but clearly advocate citizens taking matters into their own hands)  playing a sexual predator/ kidnapper/ murderer who goes on a vengeful rampage after being "wronged" by vigilante justice.

In conclusion, I must ask you, Dee Snider, why the hell did you, an intelligent man who's always stood up for heavy metal, self-expression and individualism and stood against rapists, pedophiles, murderers, and our crooked legal system make a film that was not only full of logical fallacies, but appeared to denigrate your alleged values?

ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

  

Another #%%$^%^ Plagiarist!

Yet again, another hardworking author is being victimized by a soulless lying thief.

Alison Gilmore claims to be "just a girl who loves to write." She is posting serial chapters of a story called "A Bitch Called Fate."

Here's the beginning of 1st chapter copied & pasted from her website:


"Haley’s lucky cowgirl boots kicked up clouds of dust as she paced across the wooden plank floor.

A mouse skittered in front of her and she jumped like a scalded cat.

So much for maintaining nerves of steel.

Well, at least she hadn’t shrieked like a scream queen from some cheesy slasher flick.
In the last twenty-three minutes and forty-two seconds shed chewed her bottom lip to the point she tasted blood beneath the cherry-flavoured lip gloss. Not only that, her fingers hurt from continually cracking her knuckles. Frogs jumped in her stomach and were stuck in her throat. She’d clenched her jaw hard enough to make her earlobes sting. Given her erratic physical reactions, one would believe she was facing the hangman’s noose. An executioner’s blade. Or a blind date.

She was meeting a man. A man she didn’t know. A man she’d never spoken to. A man who held her entire future in his hands."

Now if you'll look at this Nook sample Chapter of "All Jacked Up" by Lorelei James, 

(Published by Samhain in 2009) you'll notice that aside from name changes, the chapter is identical. 

(Sorry, I wasn't able to screencap or copy and paste it because you know, it has a copywrite.)

Yet Alison Gilmore is claiming to be writing this book right now, posting one chapter at a time. She just posted the eleventh chapter yesterday despite receiving takedown requests by the real author and being threatened with legal action. Because, you know, she's "just a girl who loves to 'write.'"

Ms. Gilmore, WRITING is NOT copying others' work and claiming it is your own. Writing is putting down your OWN words and stories, not STEALING them from others.

Many have tried to inform her of this, alas, only "Approved" reviews can be posted on her site. However, you can follow her on twitter, (@AlisonGilmore)

And most importantly, you can contact her web host here. I'm sure they would like to know that they are being used for immoral purposes.

UPDATE: The page is down! Another plagiarist bites the dust! 

However, writer/ blogger RILZY has the magic of screenshots and did further research into the matter, so her post is way better. You can read it HERE.  

And now I will close with this question: Why do you think people do this? What satisfaction do they get from claiming someone else's work is their own? I am seriously baffled.

Progress report on quitting smoking.

Insanity like this deserves an insane meme. And damn, I want that cigarette.

Seriously guys, I think I hate this more than when my wisdom teeth came in and nearly crushed my skull. I think I even hate it more than being pregnant. This has got to be the hardest thing I've faced in my entire life. Naturally, I've suffered many setbacks and pitfalls and learned a few things.

A.) Quitting smoking is worse for people who suffer anxiety disorders...because face it, one of the main side effects of quitting IS anxiety.

B.) Holy crap, addiction is painful and your brain is one deceitful son of a bitch, always trying to trick you into falling back into old habits.

C.) Drinking makes me want to smoke, so I've had to dramatically cut back on drinking. This is probably good for me, but damn I don't get to have any fun.

D.) This struggle has really screwed with my mind and emotions, so I'm going to refrain from making any rash decisions until I'm myself again... Please, God, let that happen.

So, without further ado, I give you my 11 day progress report, written in journal form. I also realized I was PMS-ing during the 1st week. Yay. Couple that with my cat dying and you get the worst summer vacation ever.

Smoking Progress report

Day 1.) Still hung over from my 30^th birthday bash so I didn’t even want to smoke for half the day. When the cravings sank in, I did my best to occupy myself with a jig-saw puzzle and cinnamon gum. I HATE gum. Tried to get an electronic cigarette but all the stores were closed. Ended up cheating and having 5 cigarettes. Still, when comparing that to my usual 20 +, I’d say that’s pretty good.

Day 2.) Got my electronic cigarette and only had two real cigarettes. Still, spent most of the day sitting around like a shell-shock victim unable to focus on anything but the torturous cravings for a real smoke.

Day 3.)  Puffing on the e-cig like a mad thing and actually getting a bit of writing done. Almost made it 24 hours without a smoke and beginning to feel optimistic….then I found out my cat died. Totally bought a 6-pack of hard cider and a pack of cigarettes. I think I smoked like 10.

Day 4.) Remembering my friend saying if it’s not that, it’ll be something else to make me relapse. So gonna prove him wrong. Back to not smoking. Hating life. Devastated about my cat. Forced some more writing. Tried my friend’s homemade cherry wine. Really liked it, but drinking makes me want to smoke. I smoked 3.

Day 5.) Damn, everyone in the neighborhood smokes! Locked myself up in the house until I was half crazy but did get a fair amount of writing done.  Begged one of my only non-smoking friends to hang out over there. Went to the Idaho Writer’s league book fair. (My first out in public appearance since quitting) I made it an hour before a panic attack began to threaten. Hung out with my friend and didn’t think about smoking the whole time…. But I smoked 2 when I got home. Ranted to Shelley Martin and felt better.

Day 6.) Went shopping and didn’t think about smoking for most of the time. Got enough writing in to feel proud of myself. Hung out with friend again and was even more distracted from smoking. Thank you, friend for providing the distraction and putting up with my craziness. But…smoked 2…again… when I got home. Ranted again to Shelley Martin and felt even better.

Day 7.) Tested myself by hanging out with one of my smoking neighbors. It went pretty well until the religious solicitors came by. No, I do not want to punch this well meaning little old man in the face…wait… yes, I do. I better go. Crushed my Red Bull can in my fist and walked away. Blared Mercyful Fate loud enough for the whole block to hear so they knew not to knock on my door. Got some dishes done and a bit of writing. Friend stopped by to check on me. Had some insane writer’s block and decided to loosen it up with a few drinks. It helped, but then I wanted to smoke. Another neighbor gave me a couple cigarettes too.   

Day 8.) Had to drive to Spokane to pick my husband up from the bus station in 101 degrees. I HATE driving in Spokane. Husband was supposed to be quitting but was smoking when I picked him up. I was pissed and tempted, but only took a drag of his. Had a little hang-out reunion with neighbors and friends. Only took a couple drags of his smokes until I had a beer and stole one. Made it last, smoked it in halves. We also split his last one.

Day 9.) Had to go to the college and pick up my textbooks for the semester. Aggravating, but made it without smoking. Looked at my bank balance and felt even better when I realized we would have been screwed if I hadn’t quit. Had a pickle-making party with husband and friend. Doing great until I had more of that cherry wine and decided to visit neighbors. Smoked 2 cigarettes.

Day 10.) Stepdaughters back home along with my son. Full house is making me want to scream. Writing not going well. But still holding strong on the not smoking. Had an hours-long panic attack. Then the full body aches sank in. I’d heard of those but hoped they were myth. Took son to hang out with friends. They played video games and I got a bit of writing done. I wanted a drink, but didn’t because drinking makes me want to smoke. Felt better. Went home and straight to bed. Another panic attack set in along with worse body aches. Felt like coming down off of acid that was cut with too much strychnine. Was awake nearly all night.

Day 11.) 36 hours without a cigarette. Still aching and wanting to crawl out of my skin, but if I’ve made it this long, I can do it longer. Today’s plan is to make pot roast, clean the kitchen, and finish up my launch materials for book 2.

4th of July, Redneck Style

Okay, I've never seen any rednecks go this far, but it's still funny. Happy 4th of July, everyone! 

Why I don't follow you on Twitter

Dave Mustaine is my all time favorite guitarist, but I don't follow him 'cuz he's doing it wrong.

1.) Spammers: If you do nothing but tout some product you're obviously being paid to advertise...this includes some self published authors, you're nothing but obnoxious noise to me.

2.) Trolls: No one wants to follow someone who picks asinine arguments just for the hell of it.

3.) Nothing but links: A.) I despise redundancy. B.) It makes me think you have no personality.


4.) Never replies:  This is usually an issue with higher profile people, celebrities, authors, etc. But many high profile people still are willing to converse with the lesser folk, so why bother following those who don't? Then there's those people who seem to think they're all that and only converse with their cliques. Either way, not worth clogging my feed.


5.) Nothing but retweets: As with #3, these are people who have no personality of their own. Worse, they seem to be attempting to make themselves look cool by piggy-backing off of the charm (or lack thereof) of others. I have no problem with retweeting something funny, useful, or interesting, but I do have issues with people who mindlessly RT people like an insidious echo.


6.) Talks only about self...especially if it's boring: I don't care about your latest bowel movement or where you're shopping. But...though some people bitch about tweets on who's eating what for dinner, I like those...if you share the recipe. I know I do! Food is good in reasonable increments. But I'm on twitter for conversations, not to read personal to-do lists.


7.) Combinations of any of the above: And here's where Mega-Dave Mustaine comes in. He may be one of the greatest guitar players to ever walk the earth. He may be hella cute. But Dave Mustaine does not know how to use twitter. He updates where he is and what he's doing and posts links and RTs...but only when they have to do with his band. I tried following him for awhile and he NEVER conversed with anyone. So, as much as I adore him and his music, I don't follow him on twitter.

When Our Favorite Authors Crash and Burn

I am sure this happens to you all often. You get hooked on an author, eagerly awaiting their next release while voraciously re-reading their previous books to whet your appetite for the new installment.

You bring their newest shiny book home, perhaps you even call in sick from work to devour it. You crack it open and begin reading the first few pages with a joyous grin. Then, it starts. Your smile dims somewhat. This character would never do something like that. However, with high hopes, you read further. Perhaps there's a nifty twist to explain it. A few pages later, a perplexed frown mars your features. Either a crappy character or a cheesy plot device has entered the picture. And is that yet another typo?


You finish the book and close it, aching with disappointment. What happened? If this were anyone but your favorite author, you would have tossed the book aside by the second chapter. Nevertheless, meager hope shines in your breast. Maybe the author was having some personal issues. Maybe this bad book was needed to lead up to something awesome. But....you have a bad feeling. You wait for the next book, but not with half the excitement as before. You don't run to the closest bookstore to get it. Instead, you search for the best bargain, and even then part with your money grudgingly.

And your suspicions were confirmed. This one is even worse than the last. Still, you've invested a lot of time with this author and retain some loyalty. You wait until the next one is released in paperback...and again it was a waste of money. Better just get it at the library next time.

As a reader, I feel horribly betrayed when this happens.

As an author, I fall on my knees and pray, "Please don't let me end up like them!"


But really, what happened? I hear rumors sometimes that this or that author has literally gone insane. I read in the news that another had lost a close relative. Or perhaps it is as simple as not following Stephen King's credo to "write with the door closed" during the first draft. It is hard enough for an unpublished writer to refrain from talking about their project or even showing it to friends and family. I can't imagine what it's like for best-sellers whose work everyone and their cat is clamoring for. But like King says: "...if no one says to you, '....this is Wonderful!,' you are a lot less apt to slack off or to start concentrating on the wrong thing...being wonderful, for instance, instead of telling the goddam story."


Of course...there are a few out there that I am more in favor of the "gone insane" theory. :)

Telling vs. Showing...or my new catchphrase!

Sorry about the lack of posts, I've been crazy busy finishing up my 2nd Regency Paranormal and working on edits in other projects. And speaking of edits, I'm running across a lot of telling instead of showing, which brings this video to mind. Here's the Hercules actor saying his lines and he accidentally yells the word "Disappointed" which was in parentheses in the script. He was supposed to sound disappointed, not yell it. 

That said, I think when something unpleasant occurs, I'm going to yell "Disappointed!" at the top of my lungs from now on. :)

Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

My thoughts on bad erotica.

A lot of romance authors, including myself are annoyed when people refer to romance novels as porn for women. But, surprisingly I've discovered that many erotica authors feel the same way about their work. Well, I kinda think erotica is porn. Porn is made for the purpose of inciting sexual arousal in its audience and I always felt that erotica served the same use. I mean, it's not like I read it for a compelling story or a deep emotional connection. (Disclaimer, I'm referring to short erotica stories, not erotic romance, which does involve those aspects.)

That said, I should clarify my statement: Well-written erotica is like good porn with good acting.

Admit it, most of us have seen at least one adult film...and chances are, we've seen an awful one...or ten. The bad acting goes far beyond robotic lines.

The worst aspect is the woman who is obviously faking enjoyment. Watching her painful efforts to mask the agony in her eyes and moan in false pleasure always makes me think the director shouted, "Now you better pretend to like it, or this rape film will turn into a snuff film real quick!"

...and sometimes it's the guy who seems to be losing his...um...enthusiasm despite his costar's desperate attempts to moan encouragement. It's like they're being held at gunpoint or something.

Get in the mood, or else!

Badly written erotica is the same way. It doesn't matter how many "dirty" words and exclamation points the author throws in. It's not going to turn me on. I'm going to give an example, but to keep it PG-13, I'm going to replace all the dirty words with "smurf."

"My smurf was so wet. At last my fantasy of being filled with two smurfs was about to come true! Lester's tongue flicked across my throbbing smurf as Wilbur unfastened his pants releasing his giant smurf. 


"I took it all into my mouth and fondled his smurfs. His hand reached forward to stroke and pinch my smurfs! 


"Then Lester's smurf plunged inside of me, filling my smurf until I couldn't take another inch! 
'Smurf me, Lester!' I cried as Wilbur's smurf dripped down my chin."

And then Gargamel showed up, turning this nightmare into a full-fledged clustersmurf.

Anyway, you get my point.

Now good, smurf-free erotica is, well, it's hot, and definitely does incite arousal in its audience. So if someone calls it porn, I shrug and say, "So?"

However, finding quality erotica can be difficult, so I always recommend downloading the free sample first....and if it ends up being bad, I turn on the text-to speech feature and enjoy a good sophomoric laugh. 

The Surprise Virgin

The Smart Bitches have ranted about this before but I really wanted to throw in my $1.05.

A big thing, which I'm surprised they didn't cover is: What makes it a surprise?

A.) What reason did the heroine have for not telling the hero before they got naked? I mean, um, it's kinda a big deal. And even if she was hoping to hide the secret, why didn't she at least ask him to be gentle? That's not an unreasonable request and if the hero is not one to comply, then he's not much of a hero.

B.) What makes the hero assume the heroine is not a virgin? (Especially if it's a historical). Usually it's something stupid, like some bitch tells him the heroine was sleeping with someone else, or the heroine is so innocent about sex that she says something "wordly" and he misunderstands. So why doesn't he freakin' ASK her? This type of assumption is stupid. Also, with STDs or potential heirdoms on the line, it's a valid question.

C.) With the surprise virgin scenario, the sex is almost always bad. I HATE it when the characters have bad sex! It reminds me of the old 80's romances where the hero rapes the heroine and I spend the rest of the book wanting to castrate him.

D.) Speaking of bad sex, as the Smart Bitches already mentioned, afterward the hero almost always says he would have done it differently if he had known. So...um... he usually doesn't do foreplay? He's always rough in bed? What does he mean? Whether a woman's a virgin or not, it's not comfortable for the hero to just thrust right in unless she is very aroused. So the hero must be a terrible lay.

E.) The details of the deflowering are often wrong, like where the hymen is. Also, many women do not have a hymen by the time they lose their virginity. Many are born without one or lost it horseback riding or even riding a bike. And if they did have one, the first time can still be pleasurable if the guy is really gentle. I went on a rant about this stuff here.

My summation of this often irritating cliche is that the author needed a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING to create conflict between the characters and she was lazy about it.

That said, many of my favorite novels feature the surprise virgin. So I guess as long as the rest of the story is engaging, I'll let em get away with it.

What is your take on the surprise virgin? What romance cliches bother you the most?

Calling in Sick Today...but laughter's good medicine.

Between a week-long sinus infection and an unpleasant bout of food poisoning, I didn't get around to writing a blog post for today. Since laughter is the best medicine, I spent some time on my favorite productivity inhibiting site: Cracked.com. One of the articles that did further injury to my stomach was: The 15 Worst Album Covers of All Time

I wasn't surprised to see the Scorpions: Virgin Killer original cover as #1 and some were equally offensive. But many were hilarious. One was so craptastic and funny that I almost want it made into a T-shirt.

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you BONED.

Many guitarists act like their guitar is an extension of their penis, but these guys seem to think their penis IS their guitar...At least, I think that's what's going on here. I wonder why this one's not cordless. Either way, I'm gonna have my husband keep an eye out for this gem when he's shopping for his record collection.

On another note. The contest to win THE SHADOW OF TIAMAT by Sean T. Poindexter is still OPEN, leave a comment and I'll draw a winner on Sunday. 

5 WTF Moments in Fiction

We've all read novels where something happens to make us go, "WTF? " and I'm sure we've all written many. In reading and writing, I've come across enough to see that there seem to be different types.

1.) The "Contrived for Marketability" WTF: Maybe the editors wanted it, maybe the author guessed in advance that the editor would want it. Either way, there was a series I read in which I'm convinced the author put a love triangle in there just because love triangles have been popular in her genre. For one thing the "other guy" seemed to be just friends with the heroine until near the end of book one. For another, their few romantic incidents seemed forced. Finally, at the end, with no drama or fireworks, the character narrates that she picked the main guy, and other guy moved away to live happily ever after.I'm not a fan of love triangles but I don't mind them if they eventually have a point.

2.) The "Contrived to Please the Fans" WTF: When a series becomes really popular, there's online discussions everywhere speculating about which characters are going to do what and who next. One series I'm reading had many readers clamoring for 2 male characters to hook up. The problem was, only 1 was gay. So....all of a sudden, the straight guy turned gay. I'm sure plenty of fans are jumping for joy, but I'm just not buying it.

3.) The "Oh-Crap-I-Got-The-Characters-In-Too-Big-Of-A-Bind-And-Must-BS-My-Way-Out" WTF: We all know that action and tension is a main necessity in keeping the reader hooked, but it seems there are times where the author overdid it and had to manufacture a miracle so she may be free to move on to the next plot point...or worse, end the story. This is also known as Deus Ex Machina

4.) The "Why Did Nobody Think Of This?" WTF: Sometimes what's not there in a story is more baffling than what is. I read a novel in which a character became a political symbol and a catalyst for a revolution. The government seemed to do all they could to stop it from happening...except make the character ugly. With the people's obsession with image, it seemed an obvious solution...but then the bad guys would have won and there wouldn't be 3 books worth of awesomeness, so I'm prepared to forgive it.

5.) The Random WTF: Sometimes something happens in a story that comes out of nowhere...and I mean nowhere. Worse, it does nothing for the plot. Often those moments should be cut, but other times, they are teasers for future books. I have mixed feelings about these.

All of these WTFs have occurred at least once in books I've loved, so obviously they don't ruin the story...then again I've had some in my own writing that I know I'll have to fix.

What WTF moments have you written? In reading, which drive you closest to madness?