In Honor of Karen Ann

An Angel That Was Taken Too Early

Five years ago, on Valentine's Day, I lost my best friend, who was also my mother, Karen Ann. 

For over a year, I was in a mindless state of grief. However, I know she absolutely hated it when I was unhappy. So after a couple years of therapy and much dedication to my writing career, I've become more functional. After all, mom wouldn't be proud of me if I remained a miserable ball of sadness. 

Still, the grief never leaves me. It's an open wound that strikes me with crippling pain. Every once in awhile, out of nowhere, I find myself crying in my car from missing her so bad. It's always worse during Christmas, which was her favorite, Mother's Day, her Birthday, and of course, Valentine's day.

She never stopped believing in Santa.

The first one I got ridiculously drunk and cried like a baby. The next few I spent curled up in bed, unable to face the day. But as I said before, Mom really hated it when I was sad. She always made extra efforts to cheer me up. We usually snuggled on the couch and watched movies. So I started honoring her memory by watching her favorite movies. One year my brothers and I had a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon. Another year I did a wacky combo of First Wive's Club, Total Recall, Terminator 2, and Ever After.

Yes, Mom had delightfully eclectic taste in movies and she passed it on to me. 

This year, movies aren't enough. It's not enough to distract myself from missing her. I wanted to do something to honor the woman who nurtured my creativity and encouraged my dreams. I wouldn't have become a successful writer if not for her. Even now, as I fight back tears, I can see mom shaking her head at me and tears coming to her own eyes because my pain is her pain. 

I want to picture her smiling, like this.

Even though I can never erase the grief from Valentine's day, I can mitigate it. I chose to release my novel WRENCHING FATE and have a fun online release party with all my friends. Then later I'm even going to try to celebrate Valentine's Day as a holiday and watch EVER AFTER with the nicest guy I know.

I'll probably still cry a little, but I'm going to do my best to make it a happy day and make my mom proud. And every book I write, I dedicate to her. I still remember when I first got her hooked on romance novels, and I hope there are books in heaven. 

Afterward, I'm going to start another book. Because she didn't get a happily ever after in real life, I'm going to create as many as I can as long as I live.