Thursday, September 29, 2011

Crappy Movie Renditions of Good Novels

Yay, I get to do a grumpy post! Still keeping with my movie theme. I've talked about the good ones and shall discuss many more, but today I'm gonna talk about some stinkers.

1.) DOLORES CLAIBORNE: The book was awesome but the film was so boring that even Kathy Bates couldn't save it.

Even Kathy Bates.

2.) CUJO: And this one was even more boring. The only good thing going for it was at least the little boy lived at the end.

Whereas in the book he died of heatstroke right after the dog was vanquished...just to torture the reader.

3.) THE SHINING (The TV miniseries) This was a rare case in which following the book proved to be a big mistake. Those hedge animals were the corniest thing I'd seen.

And this dude has nothing on Jack Nicholson.

4.) DRAGONS OF AUTUMN TWILIGHT: Though there was a fair attempt to follow the story, it was ruined by the substandard animation amalgamated with random substandard 3d computer effects. Also revealing spoilers which were meant for later books was unforgivable.

And Kiefer Sutherland as Raistlin....seriously?

5.) HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE: I'm a fan of the movies, but this one was a bit disappointing in what they cut and what they chose to leave in. It was my favorite of the novels and I feel they didn't do it justice.

Granted, it was still pretty badass.

6.) FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC: This was one of the darkest YA novels of its time and they could have made the movie into one disturbing mind- f*ck, yet instead they went for disjointed and over the top cheesy.

One major plot issue: Why would they eat donuts from such an obviously evil grandma?

7.) THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED: First off, this was one of the best vampire novels ever written, so I'm gonna be extra harsh. THE MOVIE HAD ALMOST NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BOOK!!! INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE was awesome incarnate and then we get this mess of crap. Also, this was the 3rd in the series. Why did they skip THE VAMPIRE LESTAT? Having the actor lip-sync to Jonathan Davis's voice was beyond ludicrous. And though Aaliya made a beautiful Akasha, the character motivation was completely omitted. If I ever win the lottery, I'm gonna pay someone to do right by this book.
They should have left it with David Geffen.

What about you? What movies were such bad renditions they bordered on blasphemy?

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