Friday, June 28, 2013

What Makes a Sexy Hero?

In this age, men are being sexually objectified almost as often as women. A while back I wrote a two part post on the subject and have declared this to be mostly a good thing. (See Part One and Part Two)

Anyway a few things occurring in internet-land have disturbed me enough to make me return to the subject. First was the kickstarter debacle on a manual on how to "seduce (but really sexually assault)" women. Another are the frequent articles on the downsides to being a "nice guy" which constantly reek of entitlement and complete ignorance on what women really want.

Things like this make me do a facepalm. Dudes REALLY still haven't figured out what women find sexy?

Of course, seeing stuff like this may make them feel a little insecure.

He looks yummy, but he probably spends more time at the gym than with his girlfriend.

Sure, physical attributes have their appeal, but if you crack open a romance novel, you may be surprised that more page time is spent on the man's hair, eyes, and smile than on his body. In fact, the first thing that drew me to this picture was the eyes... then the pout... then my gaze wandered down.

In real life, most women are actually turned off by too many muscles. Some like 'em tall and lean, like me. Others like a little cushion. Some like chest hair, others don't. Women's tastes in male appearances vary too much for a definition to be laid down as to what is "sexy." Pretty much, if a guy showers, shaves, and brushes his teeth, he's got a great shot at finding someone who wants to knock boots with him.

Because, aside from basic hygiene, looks are not the first priority of masculine appeal.

Here is a list of things that are.

The way they treat women.

Women are human beings just as much as men are. I have many male friends and despite looking nothing like romance novel cover models, several are totally on my "If I was single" list. Why? Because they treat me as a human being, not as a sex object or inferior creature.

In the best romance novels, and real life, the hero actually cares about what's going on between a woman's ears as much if not more than what's going on between her legs. He cares about her hopes and dreams, celebrates her triumphs and mourns her trials. He actually listens to her when she talks.

Seriously, a high five for good news and a sympathetic, "dude, that sucks" for bad news goes a long way.

I get fucking sick of guys bitching about being "friendzoned." It defies logic on so many levels. The best unilateral advice I've received from my old men friends is "You should marry your best friend." After all, sex only takes up so many minutes or, hopefully, hours of the day. If you're not friends with your partner, then those remaining hours suck... especially if he or she snores.

And if she just wants to stay friends, don't reject her and scorn the fact that she doesn't want you to stick your dick in her. I've lost some damn good drinking buddies and dart opponents because of that. Friends are valuable. Not only are they fun to spend time with, you may meet your special someone when hanging out with her.


Men with brains are sooooo sexy. Aside from providing intellectually stimulating conversation, an intelligent man has creativity, drive, talents and the ability to help solve problems.

And from what I've learned, contrary to popular belief, this goes both ways. Most guys do not want a bimbo. I was drinking with my friend I call "Cowboy Sheldon" and we were having the most delightful drunken conversation about the scientific possibilities of telepathy. One highlight of the chat was when he took my hand and said, "You know where the hippocampus is! That's so hot!"

Back to the sexy guys.

I know another guy who is an utter and complete genius. Dude can do just about anything with a computer, play almost any musical instrument, fix cars, and invent stuff. The things he knows and can do have me swooning like a heroine in a Gothic novel.

However, a guy doesn't have to be a genius. Just utilizing vocabulary that proves he is literate gets me all aflutter.

Dumbasses are NEVER popular romance heroes. I bet even the ones in sports romance can string sentences together.

Sense of humor

This sounds like a cliche because it's repeated in every "what women want" statement, but it's fucking TRUE!!! Of all my exes, I miss the one that made me laugh the most.

Seriously, have you ever laughed in someone's arms? It's one of the best feelings in the world. The only reason why I haven't had my characters do that in my books is because it's still so mind blowing that I don't yet have the words.


"Thank you" means a lot in fact as well as fiction.

Seduction and lovemaking

Now that the rapefests of the 70's and 80's bodice rippers are gone, romance novels today feature glorious, consensual sexytimes. A common thread you will find is that it's not all about the woman's tits and little bits. Instead the hero spends time lavishing affection on ALL of her. He kisses her hands, her legs, her belly. He runs his fingers through her hair.

And there is much FOREPLAY. Verbal and physical.

There is nothing sexier than the feeling that a man is making love to YOU and not just your orifices.

There are countless other things that make a man sexy and I know I didn't get them all, so I ask you readers:
What is something a man did that was sexy? You can either give a real life example or something in a book or a movie.

One commenter will win a BITE ME, YOUR GRACE bookmark!



  1. I like my men to be assholes. That way, when they are sweet or caring or breaks someone's neck for the bitch, it's special instead of derranged.

  2. I had this really long post, but it vanished so I will just put it short and blunt. If I can't carry on an understandable and enjoyable conversation with a man for more than 10 minutes, I don't have time for him. If he can't I can't tolerate his personality for extended periods of time, then he could be drop dead gorgeous and I still don't have time for him! I like a man that can hold my hair back while I'm sick just as well as he can run his fingers through it when we are intimate.
    As for physical attributes, the eyes go a long way for me.