6 reasons why I'm quitting smoking, damn it.

...And yes, that "damn it" was supposed to be ambiguous. That was a "damn it" of determination as well as agony in anticipation of the suffering I shall endure.

I started smoking for the dumbest reason ever: To kill time waiting for the school bus. Some golfer had dropped a pack on the ground at my bus stop and there was my damnation. That was 16 years ago and I've been smoking a pack a day (2 packs when I'm drinking) since.

Why I decided to Quit:

• My youth: Okay, I admit it. A big part of me subscribes to stupid stereotypes about youthful looks and feminine beauty. It really sucks that women get "older" while men get hotter. Though society brainwashing aside, I must admit that my complexion and teeth will likely improve with abandoning tobacco. 

•  My Health: Yeah, there's all the PSA's and blah blah blah lung cancer, blah blah emphysema etc. But in the throes of addiction you don't really think about it. Hell, as I'm craving a cigarette right now, I'm not thinking much about it. But I am thinking about how in the last decade I've been getting colds easier and taking longer to bounce back from them. I'm thinking about the times I cough and wheeze like an 88 year old man at the worst moments. I'm thinking I don't want that anymore. I'm also realizing that I have a career I worked my ass off to achieve as well as a family I want to be there for.

• Money: Yeah, all the non-smokers rant about this being an obvious point, but as we smokers watch them spend five bucks or more a day on fancy coffee, gum, candy bars, etc, we don't see much difference.... Until the income level becomes really tight AND one has smoked since a time when cigarettes were waaaay cheaper. It was like $1.75 for a pack of name brands 16 years ago. Now I have to shell out $4.00 for one of the cheapest brands. On a tight budget this is quickly becoming unacceptable.  

• Scorn for my weakness and will power. Really, I feel like the weakest, most pathetic person in the world for being such a slave to something so stupid. For needing something so bad. Needing something that's slowly killing me.

• Those obnoxious non-smoking situations. Movies, some bars, writing gatherings, you name it. It really sucks to miss an important part of something because you have to step out for your fix. I'm going back to college in a couple weeks and they've turned the place into a tobacco free campus. For the most part I think that's an abusive intrusion on people's rights. My last time there, we smokers had to stay 20 feet away from the entrance to any building and away from any shelter in the freezing cold and pouring rain. Apparently that wasn't good enough for the precious non-smokers. Now if you want so much as a drag, you need to leave campus, which means you won't make it back in time for your next class and thus you'll fail and never get a degree. But....as a new non-smoker, I kinda get it. I haven't seen my brother in a long time, but today... because he had a cigarette, I told him to get the hell away from me before I tackled him like when we were kids and snatched that sweet cancer stick from his fingers.

• My singing: Yeah, even when I was a first Soprano in high school choir, I was no Sarah Brightman. And childbirth, age, and smoking have deepened my voice and I'm still no Bruce Dickinson. But there are times when I can sing something and I can feel that I nailed it...and then the damn cigarettes make my voice crack...or worse, I cough. I'll never be a superstar, but damn it, I LIKE to sing.

• The Cute Guy/ A.K.A. The Oh, damn, I smell factor: Don't worry, I adore my hot husband (who is quitting too but out of town so we don't kill or enable each other) and I'm a good girl, but hey, I'm sure we've all encountered "the cute guy" and wondered how he kisses. But, even if I wasn't married, the cute guy is a non-smoker (I think all of them are) and likely wouldn't want to taste ashtray breath. That thought got me thinking: during the times I was single, how many guys have I lost a shot at because of my smoking? Again, the non-smokers may see this as a giant "DUH" but A.) I've only dated other smokers and B.) You miss details like this in the throes of addiction.     

So there you have it, all my reasons from the serious to the ridiculous. I hope one or more are enough. In the next couple days I'll post an update of my progress.